Dr. McDreamy and the Physical

For months now, Mug has been telling me I need to get a physical for our insurance. I put it off and put it off until I could not put it off anymore. The results are due to the insurance company on November 30 and I waited until November 25 to go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor.

I have never actually had a full physical before...I pretty much only go to the doctor when absolutely necessary. And a lot of times, not even then. So I didn't really know what was involved in a physical. I thought maybe they would take some blood (which I dreaded because I pass out), weigh me (which I dread because let's face it...who wants to be weighed? It is awful) and check my heart. Not so much.

First thing they did was take my blood. I was feeling queazy and taking deep breathes and the doctor came in to check on me. It was the first time I had ever been to this doctor so I didn't realize until that moment that he was, indeed, Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy! Sweet! Here I was about to pass out in front of Patrick Dempsey. And when I say Patrick Dempsey, I mean the hair and all, ladies!

He left the room and I was left with the nurse. I proceeded to ask her, "Is that the doctor?"

"Yes," she said.

"Can I get another one?" I asked. "Preferably an old, ugly one?"

"They are all cute in this office," She said.

"That sucks!" I exclaimed. She laughed! (I found out later that he probably heard this entire exchange as his office was right across the hall! Great!)

I am sorry but I just don't think it is necessary to talk about bowel movements, etc with someone my age and cute. I am ok with discussing this stuff with a fatherly figure with gray hair but not Dr. McDreamy!!

My humiliation only got worse.

The nurse informs me that I have to pretty much get naked and put on one of those stupid, unattractive see-through robes. Now ladies, you know what is going on in my mind...underwear. Yep, I had on the wrong kind. For some crazy reason, I chose to wear a thong. Great. Not only am I sitting here in this awful robe, but when he lifts the robe to check my heart or whatever, he is going to see my a#$! I wanted to crawl under the exam table. Or better yet, I wanted to run. Run. Out. of. that. office. Screw the insurance!

Right as I was about to make a run for it, he comes back in. Damn it!

He proceeds to sit down and become chatty kathy, as I was sitting there with everything hanging out of my robe! It was awesome!! Not really!

He asks me all these questions about my bowel movements, medications, do I give myself breast exams, etc. I had to be at least 10 shades of red. Then we had to talk about my weight. Great. Now he knows I am fat too. Not really but I felt it when he read the number that the scale revealed. Evil scales at doctor's offices...they should be banned! I pointed this out to him and that he should take off at least three pounds because I had clothes on. He told me that my weight was right for my height and that my bmi was very good, anything lower and I would be on the verge of anorexia. This still did not make me feel better. I really needed to get out of this office.

To make matters worse he decided to pick on me about my age and point out that he was younger! Thanks! I, of course, asked him how old he was and basically he was the exact same age as me, only his birthday was a few months later than mine.

After about an hour of this ongoing chat, where I was basically sweating because I was so ready to get out of there, he finally decides to do the exam. This is the part where he has to open the robe to listen to my heart and check my basically naked body for moles and the like. Again, it was great!

Finally the exam was done and I heard the greatest words ever..."you can get dressed now!" Thank god.

Hopefully, I will not be sick in the near future or have to go to the doctor for any reason because I would rather just watch Dr. McDreamy on tv than discuss, in person, my medical problems! Seriously!

Grandma

As I was sitting at the stop light today, I noticed a car with one spinning hubcap. Just one. The rest were normal. I looked at the driver. She was a sweet looking grandmother type. All I could think was that what if she took her car to get new tires and the guys thought it would be funny to play this trick on her! Poor thing! She is driving a hoopty ride and she doesn't even know it! You go, grandma!

Just Getting My Fix

A couple of weeks ago, I took some photos of one of Jack's little girlfriends. So I have her picture saved on my computer. Jack has seen it a couple of times but not in the last day or so.

Today he says, "Mom, can you show me that picture of Jam again?"

I said, "Sure. Here it is."

He just looked at it, smiled and knodded is head as if to say, "yep, that's my girl."

I guess he just needed his fix!

Brothers

The other day was pet day at Jack's school. We don't have a pet so he went empty handed. My parents were here when he got off the bus and Jack told them all about pet day and how he didn't have a pet to take. Poor thing! This is how the rest of the conversation went...

My dad: "Well Jack you could have taken Eli as your pet."

Jack: "More like I could have taken Eli as my PEST."

That's my boy, smart a@# already! Makes a smart a2@ mom proud! What exactly happened to my sweet boys who loved each other?

Really?

If you have an extra $10 on hand, would you really spend it on some plastic balls to hang from the back of your car? Seriously! Who came up with these things? And who in the h-e-double hockey sticks would pay good money for them? And then proceed to take time out of their day to affix them to their car or truck?

I saw at least two trucks on the road to Hartsville this weekend with this lovely display of redneck-ness. And let me just say, they are pretty real looking, which is super disgusting. The sad part is that I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I think I was in disbelief that I was actually looking at balls. Seriously people, do something else with your money. And please, keep your balls off the road!

First Run in a While

For the past three weeks, my life has been consumed by photography! I love it but I have neglected other things such as running! I haven't been to the gym in three weeks. I feel fat and gross. It is sad. I couldn't take it anymore so I went for a run the other day. I only had about 45 minutes before I had to be at Eli's school to pick him up. But I was determined to get in a good run. So I set out to do the long route. The one where I run from my house in my neighborhood to the neighborhood down the street and through it and then back to my neighborhood. (It sounds long but only about four miles total). I was running good, feeling good, etc. Then I look at my watch. Damn it, I am slow! It is now 12:40 and I have to pick up Eli by 1:00p.m. I am still in the other neighborhood. This does not look good. I try to run faster but still I am not out of this neighborhood. Seriously, this place is huge and I get lost easily. I finally decide that I really am not going to make it back in time. I can run it but just not fast enough. I remember Mug is home for lunch. He is going to totally make fun of me but I have to go get Eli. I call him for a ride. I hated to do it but I couldn't be late to pick up my sweet baby! So Mug comes to get me on the street. It was nice. I bet the people riding by thought I couldn't make it. I am sure they were like, "aww, that poor woman is trying to run but she can't!" Well I can, just not in the time I had left. I felt like a hitchhiker. Oh well. At least I was out there trying to get in some exercise. That is better than I have done in the last three weeks!

Hair do's

Having someone copy your hairstyle is good if you are Jennifer Anniston. What is it that they say? Copying is the greatest form of flattery? Well not in this case. When people copy your hair as a funny halloween costume...it is time to get a new hair do!! Kate, listen up... If all of your fifteen minutes of fame hasn't clued you in to the fact that your hair style is horrible, then maybe the abundance of people making fun of your hairstyle for Halloween will. Get a new hairdresser and a new style!! Please!!